An ice sculpture from the CCFCC over the weekend. Things to remember: great food, got smashed and jumped out a window.
So I was having lunch today with my manager and coworker. Topic at the table: sex, sex and sex. Who’s having it… Who’s not having it… What needs to be done and all that good stuff.
Something surprising: me and my manager are in the same boat.
And also, the way we think are very similar.
what can I say? today i’m in the mood for dude(s). major dudeage. dudesx4000.
If only Dennis walked around like that all day. YUM.
Yes, this is bad… cigarettes— again.
Statistically, I haven’t had that many. This week— in social situations, I’ve had two. But the thing with smoking is my analysis on my own smoking habits. Before I actually started sucking on these cancer sticks, I used to love the smell of them— mostly due to the fact that my whole family smoked, so it gave me a sense of nostalgia— of home. But now that I’ve had a few, I feel like the smell of someone else smoking it SICKENS ME. No longer are the days of cigarette smoke smelling glorious and friendly, but instead it makes me sick.
I think this is a reflection of my own attitudes on me smoking.
It got to the point were a few weeks ago, I actually called my bestfriend Bonnie to confess to her my secret behavior. I remember in highschool (very clearly) her telling me that if I ever started smoking it, she would kill me. The memory is so clear. The conviction in her voice, the seriousness on her face said it all. I felt so guilty.
Hah! Thank you, my darling. I love how this memery resonates with me. Heh.
From a time when things seemed so black and white, to now when everything is just a shade of grey… how did I get this way. Blerg!
The shame eats at me. Just thinking about it makes me feel blah…!
I remember telling a few of my smoker friends about it, and THE FLACK I GOT FOR IT. The world of smoking is very clear cut— you’re in or your out… anywhere in between and the anger and frustration of their own shame is released on you. Argh!
My brother, the smoker is the worst. Hah! What would he think of me… ):
… of emotions, that is.
LOL. So last night after work I went over to a coworkers house, and totally unloaded my problems over a glass of wine and (gasp) cigarettes (yes, thats right. i had 2. OMG, and i think it gave me a tummy ache afterwards… i’m such a baby).
It was just kind of idle chit chat, till the problems starts spouting out of my mouth. The look on his face was one of shock maybe? Disbelief?
“You need to take better care of yourself Alex,” he says to me.
And as we hug— I feel the poke of something against my thigh. One thing lead to another and we got it on before I went home.
LOL. Ok, that last part didn’t happen. But after unloading I went home with a stomach ache, tried to watch Alien VS Predator (2?) but only ended up curling up into a ball in the bedroom and falling asleep.
I wake up from a few weird dreams… Of me and my brother on a plane to Canada, only to connect to Taipei. And we miss the Taipei flight…? Cuz of this taxi..? and he has a PSP?? and I have a blackberry??.. and then there’s these markets or something…? With wood..? LOL.
But I got a sweet message from Bonnie this morning, “I’ve concluded that your sexual frustrations are heightened by exercise because of the increase of testosterone. :P”
Hmm… That could be true-ish. LOL is that why our friend Derek has been messing around with tons of girls lately? LOL! HAHAHAHA thats what I was thinking. And… YES, I had another Sausage Egg McMuffin today. DAMN YOU MONOPOLY. I want to win that $25,000! ): I’m a sucker. DAMMIT, I should know better than to buy into these schemes!
But, I guess as you can tell.. I’m feeling pretty emotionally stable today. Happy day! …? Let’s hope this lasts all day. I think I’m supposed to be going to Fright Night tonight with a gaggle of homos. HAH, FUN? We’ll see :P
P.S. I STILL DON’T HAVE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME!
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my Brian. The way that I go on about him sometimes, people wonder if he’s an (amazing) ex-boyfriend that I still haven’t gotten over. Maybe that could be somewhat of a truth— when the feelings are involved at least.
The basic truth?
I love him.
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think about getting onto a plane and flying to Taiwan to find him— to see him— to laugh with him— to cause trouble with him— to make memories with him.
When he first left for Taiwan in the winter of 2008 it was hard. But it’s been two years and I’m still alive. HAH.
I get too emotional when I think about him.
The other day we had a conversation, and I was about to tell him that I loved him— and I felt a lump in my throat. Almost if I said it out loud, it would be out in the world and that we would both have to face the reality that we’re not beside each other anymore. It was a weird feeling. I said it. There was a silence. He said it. And it was out in the world. (Not like we haven’t said it to each other before). Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
I’m sure if we lived together though, we’d drive eachother insane. LOL!
I’m trying not to be sad about this :P
THE MEANING BEHIND YOUR USERNAME?
Well, to be honest… it’s just “LOVE ME, ALEX SAM!”. Plain and simple. I want people to want me to love them. LOVE ME LOVE ME! I kind of just stuck with it. It’s not super mature, not super lame… it’s just me. I haven’t had any other names really stick—
Heh, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU BONNIE :P I did one. HAHAHA… ;)